alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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