I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
