i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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