I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Less talking, more tequila
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
