I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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