Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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