And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's just like the Real World with babies
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
