good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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