do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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