even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
