Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
