I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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