The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
