I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
