I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want her autograph on my taint
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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