I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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