ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
