we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
