Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
