yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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