I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
