mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Operation Purity has been aborted
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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