You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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