How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
