It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
