I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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