So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
