he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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