3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
