my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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