It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
