Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
