I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
