Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
