pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
