Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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