We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
