ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
