i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
