I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
