Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
