Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
