getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
