We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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