If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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