I wish I only lived at night.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
