i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
