one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
