I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
