So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
