how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
