I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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