What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
