Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
