hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
