She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
