Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
