I can text with my tongue
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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