You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
