Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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