I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
