What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
