dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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