We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how drunk are you?
Several
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
