dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Everyone says I win the strip club
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
