toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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