My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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